Meet Them Where They Are: How to Empathize with Every Enneagram Type
In our previous blog, Responding, Not Reacting, we looked at the importance of genuine curiosity when engaging with others. By asking ourselves, “How does this person’s words or behaviors make sense given how they might be feeling?”, we can stay out of the judgment zone, deepen our connections, and remain open to learning.
This month, we are building on this idea with some simple tips on how to be empathetic and encouraging to all the different Enneagram types in our lives:
BODY TYPES
8s: Naturally see the bigger picture, & willingly take on big challenges using strength & action to make an impact. May be inflexible or dismissive of those they see as moving too slow or in disagreement with them.
Meet them where they are. Model the empathy they may struggle to access in themselves. Be a safe place for them to experiment with accessing & expressing softer emotions. Affirm the strength they show in allowing themselves to be vulnerable.
9s: Naturally supportive & willing to truly listen to multiple points of view. People-pleasing tendencies may lead to losing contact with their own agenda, procrastination & in-action.
Meet them where they are. Compassionately & gently encourage them to access their own true desires & share them with you. Support them in learning to tolerate discomfort, assuring them that you are with them no matter what.
1s: Naturally idealistic & focused on improving things. May struggle to see alternative possibilities from a rigid sense of how things should be.
Meet them where they are. Help them to carry the load to create enough space for them to find some balance between hard work, lightness & play. Gently encourage them to consider multiple routes to their desired destination.
HEART TYPES
2s: Naturally attentive & focused on having a positive impact on people. May lack awareness of their own needs & what’s motivating them to attend to others & wanting to be seen in a positive light.
Meet them where they are. Affirm them for who they are instead of what they are doing for you or others. Be a safe and encouraging place for them to express their needs directly.
3’s: Naturally able to identify pathways to success. May resist connecting to their own emotions and authentic desires by getting caught up in what will impress others.
Meet them where they are. Connect with the person behind the persona, and show appreciation for who they are, separate from their accomplishments. Regularly ask them how they are feeling and thank them when they share honestly.
4’s: Naturally able to connect with the depths of their emotions and desire for authentic relationships. May be sensitive to anything that feels like it’s “missing” or incomplete; may experience emotional pain at feeling misunderstood by others.
Meet them where they are. Connect on an emotional level. Be open and authentic. Gently help them see all that is present, good, and complete without minimizing or dismissing their longings. Hold space for any changes in their emotional weather patterns with loving curiosity.
HEAD TYPES
5’s: Naturally independent, analytical, and enjoys learning. May be emotionally guarded, energetically protected, and hesitant to connect on a deeply personal level.
Meet them where they are. Encourage them to share their thoughts and ideas with you without surprising or overwhelming them. Be a safe space for them to open up.
6’s: Naturally loyal, inquisitive, and problem-focused. May get stuck in over-analysis, projecting, and amplifying their anxieties.
Meet them where they are. Allow them space to discuss their concerns. Validate their fears while helping them to look at the evidence as a reality check against possible catastrophizing. Help them envision success, safety, and optimistic outcomes.
7’s: Naturally imaginative, innovative, and optimistic. May struggle to acknowledge and accept things that aren’t working well, or staying motivated when things aren’t particularly stimulating.
Meet them where they are. Affirm their ability to think outside the box, while gently helping them to see and accept all of reality for what it is instead of what they may want it to be. Model what it is to have a fuller experience of all types of emotions as a means to having a fuller experience of life.
May we each practice meeting others where they are, not where we may wish them to be.
