Ideals Aren’t Always Ideal: How Enneagram Types Can Loosen Their Grip for Growth

Standards, principles, ethics, integrity, fairness, loyalty, and responsibility are to name but a few beautiful ideals rooted in important values for the average person. Ideals shape the visions that inspire us to strive for a better world, a better self, a better life. Without value-based ideals we would lack the motivation to solve our greatest challenges and build a better future. 

While the pursuit of "good" is a great endeavor, what if some of our personal ideals are actually working against us? What if we each hold an ideal that we weren’t meant to carry and is causing us pain? 

While enneagram types 1, 4, and 7 often get all the credit for being the “idealists” of the enneagram, each of the 9 core personality archetypes are in pursuit of a personal, unreachable ideal that is keeping them stuck living in the suboptimal. Each of our personality-based ideals may feel right to us but are actually part of our automated, egoic-driven pursuits that are actively diminishing our self-awareness and effectiveness. These unwavering, often unexamined, ideals ironically lead us to cycles of frustration, profound disappointment, and burnout, leaving us depleted rather than fulfilled, and unable to truly make sense of what we are seeing, thinking, feeling, and needing, as we are limited by our self-limiting, programmed beliefs.

Type 1: Ones idealize perfection and correctness. They believe that if they can achieve moral, ethical, or practical perfection, they finally feel settled and relaxed. This can lead to rigid self-criticism and judgment of others, as their ideal is never reached, hindering their ability to accept imperfections or move with the flow of  life.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where serenity lives. 

Type 2: Twos idealize being indispensable. They believe that by constantly meeting the needs of important others better than anyone else could, they will earn love and appreciation. This can lead to neglecting their own needs, and feeling unloved, unappreciated, and angry when their efforts aren't fully recognized in the way they’d hoped.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where humility lives.

Type 3: Threes idealize success, image, and external validation. They believe that achieving status, looking successful, and receiving admiration from others will bring them a feeling of worth and happiness. This can lead to an endless pursuit of accomplishments, a fear of failure, and losing touch with their authentic self as they unconsciously shape-shift to impress people from room to room.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where authenticity lives.

Type 4: Fours idealize authenticity, uniqueness, and deep connection. They believe that by pursuing a romanticized experience, expressing their unique identity, and finding what's missing, they will finally feel complete. This can lead to recurring disappointment, melancholy, anger, feeling misunderstood, and the constant pursuit of the elusive.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where equanimity lives. 

Type 5: Fives idealize knowledge, competence, self-sufficiency, and privacy. They believe that by accumulating vast amounts of information and maintaining their independence, they can protect themselves from being overwhelmed or depleted by the world. This can lead to isolation, hoarding resources, and intellectualizing emotions.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where non-attachment lives. 

Type 6: Sixes idealize security, loyalty, guidance, and preparedness. They believe that by anticipating all potential dangers and finding reliable authorities or systems, they can mitigate all risks and feel safe. This can lead to projecting fears, catastrophizing, being overly skeptical,  overthinking, and the constant search for reassurance.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where courage lives. 

Type 7: Sevens idealize freedom, pleasure, and new experiences. They believe that by keeping all their options open, avoiding pain, and constantly pursuing exciting possibilities, they will maintain happiness and avoid suffering. This can lead to frenetic planning, avoidance of uncomfortable conversations, commitment issues, and an inability to sit with discomfort or be present with others. 

On the opposite end of this ideal is where sobriety lives. 

Type 8: Eights idealize strength, control, justice, and truth. They believe that by being powerful and assertive they can ensure fairness and avoid being controlled or betrayed. This can lead to confrontational behavior, a need to dominate, and difficulty showing vulnerability or trusting others.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where innocence lives. 

Type 9: Nines idealize harmony, comfort, and inner peace. They believe that by avoiding conflict and merging with routines or others, they can maintain a sense of inner calm and stability. This can lead to indolence, procrastination, suppressing their own needs, and passive/aggression.

On the opposite end of this ideal is where right action lives. 

Which ideal do you most relate to? What stories did you internalize as a young person that caused you to hold on tightly to that ideal? What would it look like to relax your grip?