Elevate Your Emotional Intelligence for the New Year
A new year has begun. And with it, there is hope, and there is heavy. While many feel optimistic and joyful, many others are experiencing apprehension and anxiety (among other emotions) as America prepares for a transition of power in unprecedented circumstances. For some, saying “Happy New Year” at midnight on January 1st felt more obligatory than sincere. And then, we all woke to the tragic news of the New Orleans terrorist attack… for which I have no words, only grief.
Wherever you are on the spectrum of emotions today, I encourage you to simply allow it. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without over-identifying, rationalizing, numbing, or avoiding them through various distraction techniques. What are your emotions trying to communicate to you? What are the thoughts and beliefs that sit underneath these emotions?
When I feel sad, overwhelmed, or other big, unpleasant emotions, my tendency is to double down on the performative nature of my enneagram type 3 personality to avoid consciously experiencing difficult emotions and the lack of control that I feel. I often dive deeper into my work to hide behind what I’m good at. Other times, I withdraw and seek solace in numbing behaviors (like binge-watching Netflix while tearing through a pint of ice cream). While these conditioned responses in moderation can be a helpful reprieve from time to time, they also rob me of the opportunity to connect with the depth of my emotional reality and then curiously mine the stories and needs underneath to really understand what is going on.
We all have our preferred coping strategies, of course. The point here isn’t to criticize mine or yours but to highlight the reality that each of our personalities, in and of themselves, are defensive structures. Each of the 9 core enneagram personality types are essentially 9 different conditioned responses to the perceived threats and wounding messages of growing up and losing contact with the essential self. These well-intended protections, while often helpful to us in our youth, become habitual patterns of seeing, thinking, and feeling, and doing that often leads to counterproductive behaviors in adulthood, interfering with our ability to live the authentic, emotionally intelligent lives we profess to want.
Our personalities/egos are part of who we are, but not all of who we are. They serve an important purpose in our development and, yet, are often hiding our truest and most essential selves, creating gaps between our intentions and our impact. The Enneagram invites us to learn to see and understand these defensive structures and what they’ve been trying to protect us from all these years. We cannot live a self-aware life until we identify and begin to release our defenses, to reclaim who we were before life told us who we should become.
What parts of you are ready to become unhidden in 2025?
Want to explore further? Read a spiritual metaphor on the Genesis of Personality called “Where Are You?”
Recommendations
Here are two resources that have inspired me recently and that I hope will deepen your emotional and spiritual growth:
Podcast:
Getting Back to the Basics of The Enneagram of Enneagram 2.0
Understanding the Enneagram’s fundamentals is key to self-awareness and growth. This month, we’re sharing Getting Started: The Nine Types, an episode that revisits the core passions and motivations of each type. Perfect for beginners or a quick refresher!
Book:
The Spiritual Dimension of The Enneagram by Sandra Maitri
The spirituality of the enneagram is revealed in this fascinating study of the personality profiling tool that is designed to measure the "essence" within each person.
Interested in coaching or workshop facilitation?
Thank you for being part of the EQEnneagram community. I’m grateful to share this journey with you and look forward to deepening our exploration of awareness, emotional intelligence, and the Enneagram together in 2025.
Warmly,
Scott
